Aikido as a way of life.

My grandson got bullied at school this week. A kid told him on Friday that he was going to beat him up on Monday. When Kai went to the bathroom on Monday the kid punched him in the head and belly several times in front of another kid. The second kid said Kai needed to be beat up because he has never been beat up before. Then yesterday the kid beat him up again in the bathroom. Both Ron and I had big feelings about this situation. We love Kai so very much. Kai goes to an inner city school. He is ten. He is very tall, thin, blond, bookish, dreamy and polite.  His nature is not that of a fighter. There is such a difference between fighting and defending yourself. Kai isn’t interested in fighting at all. Yet he learning how to defend himself. Just as anyone can.

Today I will meditate as I walk. I tend to make mediating much harder than it is by expecting myself to do it perfectly. Today I will mindfully walk. I will move from my center.  I will  consciously breath in and out.  Then I will forget about all that and enjoy the beauty of my surroundings. I will be grateful for the air I breathe and the sights I see. I will notice the flow of things and my part in that flow. I will feel the earth under my feet; how solid and permanent it seems. I will be grateful for my vitality at this moment. I am present...in the now...how Heavenly.

Listening through my body, I perceive through my center, my mind rests.

My high school basketball coach tried and tried to get me to use my left hand. She threatened to tie my right hand to my side so I couldn’t use it. I could not understand why she wanted me to dribble and shoot with my left hand. Being awkward because I was trying something new was appalling to me. I hated her for insisting that I use my left hand. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t explain why but I would rather explain why I couldn’t use my left hand than work at getting better. Besides I was already good. Just ask me. Why try to get better? Taking a risk to learn a new skill was not worth the discomfort of the process. Looking back I feel bad for myself at that age. I was so comfortable being at one level I could not get better because I couldn’t acknowledge I was mediocre. I either had to be the best or the worst. Needing to learn something new meant that I was not perfect and not being perfect meant I sucked. Today I voluntarily use my left hand. I usually default to my righ...

What a difference a day makes. Tuesday night I was a half a bubble off all night. I hurt one of my ukes. Hurt not injured. I felt bad. That stayed in my head for a few minutes. I went to “I suck”. The good thing is that Aikido is so interesting to me I could not stay there for long because Ron was teaching something cool. I had to pay attention despite my venture into self loathing. Then I had a nage that wasn’t taking my balance. It seemed to me that nage was getting impatient with me. Their heaven hand kept landing on my clavicle and pushing. It is not very effective but it does cause pain. I got to watch a thought of “why don’t you just quit Aikido?” march by in my mind.  That is a drastic thought for me. I have a dojo right at my house, for Christ’s sake. I had a little chuckle at my negative thoughts and attacked my nage again. This time I just fell down because my clavicle was getting sore. Last night I showed up again. I started class after doing my warm ups and a whole ...

Shiho nage was a difficult technique for me. Ron always did it a little different from Maruyama, Sensei. I would be almost getting it then we would go to summer or winter camp and I would get confused again. I could do the motions of it and it probably didn't look to bad yet it didn't feel strong. My hands always felt so weak. I remember complaining about my wrists. men's wrists were so much bigger and stronger. I used to say I hate shiho nage or I can't do it. Of course that became self fulfilling. I decided to change my mind about it. I couldn't say I loved shihonage yet but I said that "I am embracing shiho nage". "I am exploring shiho nage." Sure enough, it got better. Especially after we stopped going to camps because now I was doing one way with minor changes instead of a whole change of technique. The "Summer of Shiho nage" changed everything. Stepping into my fears and frustrations was the key. I broke it down to three ...

The oak leaf has fallen. The wind is very cool,with a promise winter. My back is warmed by the still balmy afternoon Autumn sun.                                                                                     A connection,  a blending, a movement,  power together, connection made deeper by attention to detail, tenkan,  irimi, soft swooping arms, curled wrist,  open posture, dramatic movement or not,  there again and again,  ego subjugated by the desire to connect and learn.