Thursday, January 17, 2013

Home alone









After reading an article in Real Simple Magazine about being home alone I reflected on my own fear of being alone in the house. Her fear was that someone was outside the house. My fear is that there is someone in the house with me.

When I was a child my dad would pop out of nowhere raging and hitting. The poor man has been dead for several years now yet my fear lives on.

When Ron is not home at night I hear every noise that I never notice if he is home. I know that my fears are irrational. We live in a rural neighborhood surrounded by woods. It is not a high crime area. For women my age statistically any real danger is from a violent relationship. Not a problem for me…we do give each other bruises sometimes but only on the mat.

So even though I know how to defend myself, my house is safe and I have thought out many strategies I still have illogical fear. She (Real Simple article 2/2013) had a way of dealing with it…just by staying home alone for 3 nights in a row. By the third night she was okay. Maybe I will try it. I used to stay alone when my kids were small …whoops, I guess that is not really alone. I was more vulnerable with small children. I just can’t figure it out…so I hold my fears out to the universe in open hands. The winds of time may blow them away.