Aikido as a way of life.

We have class tonight at 6:30. We are on Zoom and in the dojo. I hope someone comes to class so I can train. I need a spirit cleansing.  I could train even if no one comes but the exchange of energy is really good for me and for them. Last Tuesday we had 9 people - so fingers crossed. See ya on the mat.  

 I got my shingles shot yesterday. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I didn't feel sick just uncomfortable. When I got up, I felt better because I could distract myself first by walking, and then by reading.  I took 2 Tylenol at 4 AM and went to sleep. This morning I feel as if my brain is trailing my head by about 6 inches.  So I get to practice this day, in this way. I will stay as centered as I can, take it in baby steps, one at a time and enjoy the pure joy of being alive. 

 Sometimes the best practice is just to keep quiet and hang on. Sometimes it is to speak up. Sometimes to walk away. Aikido training helps us to tune into our centers and respond naturally.  My best decisions come from my center not my brain. While I am centered, I feel in the flow of things. Life happens in a easy sequence. It's when I leave the now to romance self-centered fears or unlikely fantasies that I get a little wack-a-doodle.  My practice is inspired by O'Sensei, who taught about returning to center immediately when we became aware that we are not centered. No judgment needed. No harsh words of recrimination required. Just return to center and proceed with the day. How I love this practice. 

 This morning during an argument I noticed the futility of trying to be right. Why does it matter? Does it make the sun shine brighter or the rain come during drought? No. It just prolongs an frustrating moment.  Blending with life during trying times is the challenge. Can I pick up my figurative sword, cut through my own BS and stay the course? Yes, for today I can. I will come back to center and be a pleasant person. 

 Speaking my mind even though my voice shakes. After a sleep interrupted night and a terrible dream I feel shaky today.  I have trained for many years and done a lot of inner work. Last night, my dream was an accumulation of people who hurt me all rolled  together as one person. In my dream, I asked the person to leave. They wouldn't and I insisted. He/they left. I awoke filled with anxiety. I did my reset to get back into the zone of tolerance. Now, as I write this, I realize that I had something to say in my dream. I spoke up for myself. And now I am telling you about it.