Wednesday, January 11, 2012

defending


My grandson got bullied at school this week. A kid told him on Friday that he was going to beat him up on Monday. When Kai went to the bathroom on Monday the kid punched him in the head and belly several times in front of another kid. The second kid said Kai needed to be beat up because he has never been beat up before. Then yesterday the kid beat him up again in the bathroom.
Both Ron and I had big feelings about this situation. We love Kai so very much. Kai goes to an inner city school. He is ten. He is very tall, thin, blond, bookish, dreamy and polite.  His nature is not that of a fighter. There is such a difference between fighting and defending yourself. Kai isn’t interested in fighting at all. Yet he learning how to defend himself. Just as anyone can.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I am present

Today I will meditate as I walk. I tend to make mediating much harder than it is by expecting myself to do it perfectly. Today I will mindfully walk. I will move from my center.  I will  consciously breath in and out.  Then I will forget about all that and enjoy the beauty of my surroundings. I will be grateful for the air I breathe and the sights I see. I will notice the flow of things and my part in that flow. I will feel the earth under my feet; how solid and permanent it seems. I will be grateful for my vitality at this moment. I am present...in the now...how Heavenly.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Listening



Listening through my body, I perceive through my center, my mind rests.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Going left


My high school basketball coach tried and tried to get me to use my left hand. She threatened to tie my right hand to my side so I couldn’t use it. I could not understand why she wanted me to dribble and shoot with my left hand. Being awkward because I was trying something new was appalling to me. I hated her for insisting that I use my left hand. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t explain why but I would rather explain why I couldn’t use my left hand than work at getting better. Besides I was already good. Just ask me. Why try to get better? Taking a risk to learn a new skill was not worth the discomfort of the process.

Looking back I feel bad for myself at that age. I was so comfortable being at one level I could not get better because I couldn’t acknowledge I was mediocre. I either had to be the best or the worst. Needing to learn something new meant that I was not perfect and not being perfect meant I sucked.

Today I voluntarily use my left hand. I usually default to my right if given a choice but Aikido training has really leveled me out. Ron took no excuses. Everything had to be done on both sides no matter what. I still don’t initially love learning something new yet I do love learning something new. Today I know that I can be good at Aikido and not have to be perfect. I know that being in the question is the answer. I wish I could have felt the same for basketball but I can’t change things I can’t see.

I am seeing clearer now. The future looks endless, challenging and fun.