Aikido as a way of life.

Just when you think the dojo can't get slammed again, Ron and I have come down with the flu. It is going on 2 weeks now. Our dojo has been effected by Covid, an aging student base, dropouts, winter and now the flu. It is a good thing we have been doing this for so long. Our plan is to keep training so we will be here for the Aikido renaissance. There is sure to be one. Recently,  we started doing a short work out everyday. First we do 40 techniques and then we do ki excercises. We invite our students to join us on zoom. Participation  has been good. We still have 2 classes a week. Hopefully  some students will be coming back to class when the weather inproves and flu season abates. Hope to see you on the mat soon.             

 Fall is such a great name for a beautiful season. We fell a lot in class today. I had an interesting experience. Ron had us do many movements without falling. He then had us just blend with yokemens. His idea was to move and flow. When I did an abrupt entering movement, he said “No, do more blending. Less confrontation.”   I kept moving but noticed that I started to feel queasy and tired. Then I noticed that I was near tears. He then told us to get bokkens. I had to sit and rest for a minute. When Ron asked what the matter was, I told him I was feeling queasy and tired. That helped me feel a little better. I got up and practiced the short bokken kata he demonstrated. After class I still felt a little queasy. I told Ron and Dora that I thought I was doing the technique correctly and when I found out that I was not, I was very hard on myself. Ron assured me that I was doing fine but he wanted me to flow more. I told him I understood but that sometimes my hearer is broken. ...

  Aikido training when I feel deeply upset is a challenge. I accept.  I have the disease of alcoholism. Some mornings I wake up feeling fine. Other times I wake up to a voice in my head telling me I am a terrible person and not worthy of being alive. No matter which way I wake up, I have a set practice that I do, no matter how I feel or what my brain has to say.   Yesterday we heard from a family member that he was very disappointed in us and was choosing not to be in a relationship with Ron and me.  I felt very sad and frustrated because I know that saying or doing anything will not change another person. I slept poorly as my mind poured over all my wrong doings over many years.  I felt heavy and discouraged this morning.  I prayed as I do every morning. I asked for help, then got up and acted like a woman who has asked for help.  I found one aikido thought: keep moving. I got up, got dressed, did my bathroom stuff, and went upstairs to see how R...

 One of the tings I love most about Aikido the self acceptance I have earned in my training. I read once that Ueshiba said he wasn't good at keeping his center, he just was very good at getting it back. I cherish the idea of making a mistake and then moving on. There's no time for recrimination or regret. We accept what happens and move on. Hopefully, I learn and don't repeat unskilled behavior. Since I have habits of self abandonment and condemnation, this idea is wonderful to me, challenging me everyday to accept  myself and all my strengths and foibles. I just keep doing my life. Everyday I do my best. When I wander off the path, I wander back onto the path as soon as I can.

 The mama deer and her two mid sized fawns walked slowly through the back yard today before disappearing silently into the woods.  The fawns are still dappled but they are wandering off a little farther from their mother than in the spring. They were there and then, they were gone. Deer constantly pay attention. They eat. They meander.  But they never let their guard down. The bunnies are the same way. They munch on the clover in the back yarn ever wary of their surroundings. I watch the crows. They land and they eat. They fly off at the slightest provocation.  How animals are present in the now, helps me not second guess myself. If something feels weird, I can leave. It doesn't matter what people think. It matters that I stay safe.  Being present to what is happening is a basic self-defense skill that is overlooked. Aikido training reminds me at each moment to pay attention and blend with what is happening. Then, like the deer, the bunny and the crow I can make...