Monday, January 31, 2011

shadows and ki

What color is a shadow? Purple, absence of white, bluish black? It depends who is looking at it. The mountain looks black, the hot ball of fire is directly in front of me making me squint and shy away. Long thick shadows cover the snow that still looks fresh save for small animal tracks. All is well.
Shomen attack can make people squint and shy away…yet they are safer if they enter or turn…
What color is Ki? Is it red or deep blue? It must depend on who is feeling it. Mine feels deep and dark and good. My center got shook up in the last couple of weeks by events of the past. It is part of the process…before my ki deepens it scatters and percolates then it settles and becomes more dependable. I stay with the process…the feelings shift on and off the mat. All is well.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

wanting to like it but feeling kind of blah

The mountain is the color of old blue jeans, the sky so light a gray it is pearly, almost white but not. The trees are dull gray and brown, no flirty sunlight to make the colors dance. A quiet cold surrounds me, am I lonely or peaceful?
A lone crow just flew overhead. Ki exercises felt dreamlike this morning. I had better get to the grocery store before I sit for the whole morning just because I don’t want to scrape the snow off my car or hear the crunch of snow under my feet. Acceptance doesn’t mean I have to love something…acceptance means I see what is real right now…the feeling will shift as I keep moving.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


The snow is barely visible yet it is falling steadily again. The trees are all outlined with white from the burly knots to the tiniest needle on the huge evergreens that surround our house. Gray sky, purple mountain, silent snow, muted white outlined greens and browns make it seem like I am alone in a quiet world.
Tonight the dojo will be warm and filled with good folks. I love the feeling of days we have class. I do winter one day at a time. I can get though another day. Soon will be the January thaw…and then spring and then July when I feel young again on the mat in the warmth of summer.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

pink clouds open heart

Pink is not a color I expect to see in the winter pallet, yet there it was on the mountain top and the cloud. The cold gray sky accented the light and darker pink above. As long as I keep my expectations low and my hopes high I can be surprised daily.
Today in class we worked on exaggerating our posture, opening our chests and exposing our hearts. During freestyle I noticed one student’s posture stayed more open than usual. High hopes.

Friday, January 21, 2011

more thoughts of winter

Slowly drifting snow is changed to faery dust sparkling through the trees by the wan January sun. My mood has shifted as easily to peace and joy and contentment. I can’t change the world or fix a sad child. I can come from a place of love consistently for myself and others. It wasn’t always so. My training has changed my perception of what is and what can be. Plain snow can turn to sparkles in a moment of quiet.
I just got back inside from an hour of shoveling show. Who needs the gym? Faery dust gets really heavy on the ground. ;o) The dojo is ready for class tomorrow morning.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The other day the sun made long blue shadows on the fresh white snow. Today we have a wintry mix. The light is even and duller, no shadows, just soft hues of grey, brown, green and blue accented by white snow.

Ukes are like that. Each day, each uke brings new opportunities to relax, blend and explore. Assumptions can be acknowledged and then let go. When resistance is met I relax more, I turn or enter as I blend and down they go. Each time I choose to stay with, to let my center return, to be committed to my uke, my practice, my growing centered feeling. I watch. I notice. I feel. I continue. No matter what my mind might think, my center knows better.