Aikido training when I feel deeply upset is a challenge. I accept. I have the disease of alcoholism. Some mornings I wake up feeling fine. Other times I wake up to a voice in my head telling me I am a terrible person and not worthy of being alive. No matter which way I wake up, I have a set practice that I do, no matter how I feel or what my brain has to say. Yesterday we heard from a family member that he was very disappointed in us and was choosing not to be in a relationship with Ron and me. I felt very sad and frustrated because I know that saying or doing anything will not change another person. I slept poorly as my mind poured over all my wrong doings over many years. I felt heavy and discouraged this morning. I prayed as I do every morning. I asked for help, then got up and acted like a woman who has asked for help. I found one aikido thought: keep moving. I got up, got dressed, did my bathroom stuff, and went upstairs to see how Ron was doing. I listened while he talke
Our summer seminar's theme is "Let's Wrap the World in Peace. For me the inspiration has come from my newest grandson Vinnie. When I hold him, he looks up at me and tells me the secrets of the universe. I feel at one with what is. I feel at peace. It seems to me that peace is all around us... accessible at anytime if we but look and feel and let. Let's!
Fall is such a great name for a beautiful season. We fell a lot in class today. I had an interesting experience. Ron had us do many movements without falling. He then had us just blend with yokemens. His idea was to move and flow. When I did an abrupt entering movement, he said “No, do more blending. Less confrontation.” I kept moving but noticed that I started to feel queasy and tired. Then I noticed that I was near tears. He then told us to get bokkens. I had to sit and rest for a minute. When Ron asked what the matter was, I told him I was feeling queasy and tired. That helped me feel a little better. I got up and practiced the short bokken kata he demonstrated. After class I still felt a little queasy. I told Ron and Dora that I thought I was doing the technique correctly and when I found out that I was not, I was very hard on myself. Ron assured me that I was doing fine but he wanted me to flow more. I told him I understood but that sometimes my hearer is broken. I hear words l
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