2009

This year, as usual, has just flown by in a blink of an eye. I think back to were I was last year this time, wondering where life may lead me. An important concept to ponder as I am writing these words. Wondering where life may lead me. Does life really lead me anywhere? Or, is it my view or perception of life that reveals whether or not I am being lead or whether I am doing the leading. Last year, without direction, life lead me. Why was I without direction? Because I didn't know how to lead myself in a positive way. As I have diligently practiced Aikido for the last 12 months, I have begun to discover that I can lead myself along this path, or that path as it may be. The point being, that I can now chose which path I may take. How do I chose what path I take? In some moments, I feel that the path is there for me to take and the choice is mine, whereas, other moments reveal that the choice may not be mine and there is something guiding me along the way. What does this mean to me? For one, that my life is continuing on an ebb and flow that is both chosen and unchosen. It is certain and uncertain. I used to believe that be contradicting the uncertain with my perceived intentions would inevitably lead to control of the uncertain. I have discovered that this only lead to unhappiness and internal strife. Complete control of the uncertainty in life is an invalid and untrue perception, just as when the certainty of a situation magically disappears. A perception. What reveals itself when all individual/and or group perceptions are non existent?Truth.
On the mat, leading and following in the moment is filled with truths. Truths for nage and truths for uke. Practicing on the mat, reveals many of the truths because on the mat, perceptions just don't work. These truths that present themselves, to me, is and has been the most challenging aspect of practicing Aikido. There is no hiding from "things" that reside within. Eventually, they will appear and will have to be dealt with in order to let Aikido flow in the moment. After 4 and a half years of practicing, I have only begun to stratch the surface of what it means to lead. Be present with one point, connect with uke and take them for a ride. Easier said than done, and much work has been afforded to even get to the scratch.
Well, what first started off as a simple post about last year, turned into a deep inner revelation that I can ponder for the next year and subsequent years.
Looking forward to the new beginning, and beginning and beginning......