Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Big oak leaf

On my walk today I came across a huge oak leaf…it was mostly green with red edges. This leaf would have been huge on a big tree. However, this really big oak leaf was clinging to a single twig that was growing from a dead wood pile. The twig is about a foot and a half high and literally a twig. I can’t give you a dimension because I can’t talk that small.

So the huge leaf is hanging there and I started thinking about what would happen to this leaf when it let go. It probably would fall directly under where it hung and eventually turn into soil. I went out this afternoon to take some pictures of the leaf for my blog and it was still hanging there. I wonder if leaves let go easily or do they have to have their grips pried off like I do sometimes.

I notice when I let go of things and don’t try to fix me or others, my life is just fine. When I get into fix mode is when I get into problems. I neglect my own work, play and study and get busy with others. I notice that others don’t love to be fixed. They don’t love to be fixed even when I am undercover and they don’t know I am fixing them. They can still feel the energy they may just not know where it is coming from. I can tell, though. When I am sticking my hand, head or heart into somewhere where it’s not supposed to be it hurts. I feel really uncomfortable and often my stomach is in knots.

Aikido practice helps me notice when I shifted out of myself and onto fixing someone else. There is a difference between fixing and really helping. Fixing feels bad because my motives are bad. I have the, “I know better” state of mind. Helping feels okay because I am not attached to the outcome. I can help and have no hands on the results.

When I am nage I can practice patient and tolerance, and then guide my uke. If I am feeling impatience or lack of tolerance, I notice in my body. My hands will feel grabby or I will feel frustrated with how uke is moving. I know when I am trying to muscle my uke around by my inner reaction. If I am complaining about my uke in my head I know I am doing something ineffective.

Uke is like the big green, red tinged oak leaf hanging on her tiny branch until it is time to let go. When that time comes I guide her gently through the motions of the throw to a positive resolution of a gentle but powerful fall.

1 comment:

  1. Very nicely written too, I think this happens to all of us in our training. Just to tell what will then happen to the beautiful leaf, in the right time it will be one with the warm earth and contribute to feed the tree and become a new tiny green leaf in the spring: the circular path:)