Aikido training when I feel deeply upset is a challenge. I accept. I have the disease of alcoholism. Some mornings I wake up feeling fine. Other times I wake up to a voice in my head telling me I am a terrible person and not worthy of being alive. No matter which way I wake up, I have a set practice that I do, no matter how I feel or what my brain has to say. Yesterday we heard from a family member that he was very disappointed in us and was choosing not to be in a relationship with Ron and me. I felt very sad and frustrated because I know that saying or doing anything will not change another person. I slept poorly as my mind poured over all my wrong doings over many years. I felt heavy and discouraged this morning. I prayed as I do every morning. I asked for help, then got up and acted like a woman who has asked for help. I found one aikido thought: keep moving. I got up, got dressed, did my bathroom stuff, and went upstairs to see how Ron was doing. I listened while he talke
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