Aikido as a way of life.

This is my 13 year practising Aikido. Long enough that I cannot imagine my life w/o it. As many of you will likely affirm in yourselves, I start to get cranky when I can't go to class. My body begins to ache in ways it does not normally. Not just for the fun physical activity, but the closeness and touch that comes along with it. We practise a very intimate art, yet it feels so safe and pure in our dojo spaces that I miss it deeply when I have lengths of time off the mat.  I also see a great importance in having time off the mat, that I did not understand much until this year. It is the moment I return. that my be-ing knows I have come home. I am about to take one of my wonderful yearly excursions to the desert to play with stone and mud. The starkness and harshness and colours of the land speak to me. It is a well isolated and fairly free of human impact and noise. A true quiet space where I feel the smallness and greatness of my being and the grandness of earth. Friends and m...

How come I still want more? I considered driving up to Pittsfield tonight to train with Kim. The brush pile called me instead and then the lawn mower. Maybe next week.

feels good and like something is missing. I like a couple of days off so I miss it and I hate a couple of days off cause I miss it.

opened my heart in a new way. I loved seeing him feel the joy of Aikido for the first time. He had a great time. Thanks everyone, for sharing your experience with Kai.

Today I had an opportunity to say a few words at the end of the seminar and now I can't remember what I said. :-) I do know that I found myself feeling frustrated with my inability to communicate clearly. I often have the experience of speaking to a group about something and afterward knowing that what I managed to say was not nearly adequate enough to express what I wanted to say. It's interesting to me that verbal communication seems so clumsy sometimes in terms of making the connection with people in the same way that I experience on the mat nonverbally. I do experience connection in conversation, one to one. Speaking to a group however, is not easy. I use that occasion to practice keeping one point. That includes letting go of self judgement. Finding the appropriate ideas and words to express myself clearly, is challenging. Self consciousness, nerves, whatever, pop up. And that just freezes me up and makes access to thoughts difficult. It's definitely a good practice ...

of how I feel or how others feel is my practice. After awareness comes acceptance...then I can decide if I want to do anything about the situation. When uke attacks I can step in, I can step aside or I can turn. Each response is in the moment. When I really pay attention I can see the details. I have the wherewithal to do what needs to be done in the now. Freedom is here. Freedom is now. (Did you see the hawk in the picture?)

i was present. i felt sun on my face, teased away by a tiny breeze. i smelled mud. i threw dry, craggy branches into the current to watch them float or get tangled up with other branches. i love running water. rivers are my mother's veins. i feel the earth's life force. i appreciate her strength and beauty by the river. my ki is restored.