Aikido as a way of life.

  Aikido training when I feel deeply upset is a challenge. I accept.  I have the disease of alcoholism. Some mornings I wake up feeling fine. Other times I wake up to a voice in my head telling me I am a terrible person and not worthy of being alive. No matter which way I wake up, I have a set practice that I do, no matter how I feel or what my brain has to say.   Yesterday we heard from a family member that he was very disappointed in us and was choosing not to be in a relationship with Ron and me.  I felt very sad and frustrated because I know that saying or doing anything will not change another person. I slept poorly as my mind poured over all my wrong doings over many years.  I felt heavy and discouraged this morning.  I prayed as I do every morning. I asked for help, then got up and acted like a woman who has asked for help.  I found one aikido thought: keep moving. I got up, got dressed, did my bathroom stuff, and went upstairs to see how R...

I love this time of year. I celebrate my mom's and my gram's passing around advent. My mom died the day after Christmas and my gram 2 weeks before. Not the same year. My mom died 5 years after my Gram. Now they are my Winter angels. I love amd miss them even though it is 32 and 37 years ago.  Advent means coming or arrival. It helps us get ready for the return of the light. This year I embraced the darkness and focused on deep healing. I feel the wonder the season and the potential of more healing to come. Part of Aikido training is to accept what is and blend with it. I have been able to do that with help of my Holy Mother this year. It is such a better way to experience the world. People do what they do because of where they are in their own healing process. I am learning to love and accept my loved ones no matter what.  I let go of who I was to become who I can be. 

 Since the holidays can be emotionally tricky, Ron and I decided to have informal classes on Zoom at our regular time. We meet at 6:30 PM on Tuesday, Thursday and at 10 AM on Saturday. We train for a half hour starting with ki exercises and then, light practice. So far, we have been joined by a couple of students each time. We are committed to train even if no one else shows up. Aikido is a destresser for both of us.  The holidays seem more like holy days this year. Our Aikido training is helping with the transition of being in the wonder of the season instead of wondering what the heck is going on within our extended family. See ya on Zoom.

 Well not quite alone. Yesterday we cancelled classs becuase no one was coming. Ron and I practiced toghther. It was fun and lighthaerted. I am grateful to be able to to train with my partner. 

 First of all, I have to reframe the title. My mind would like to make the times difficult. Through the lens of my practice, I will define them as different. Our dojo has gotten smaller. Students have died, left for personal reasons or are practicing with us on zoom. We do have 2 students who are regularly coming to the dojo. I am grateful for all who train with us. Aikido practice cleans my mind, spirit and body of negativity. When I start to think things should be different than they are, I remind myself of what I am grateful for, such as: a beautiful dojo at my house, a partner to train with, commitment of 35 years, being able to move freely at 65, students, and a general sense of well being. Covid time has provided me with quiet time that  I might have felt guilty about and not taken for myself. When my mind wanders to self pity I can practice being centered and relish what is because I can't change most of it.  I can change how I view things and I am grateful that I ...

 So long ago and still I remember every detail of the day.

 At our dojo we believe that Aikido should be for anyone who wants it. We do charges dues but if someone wants to train and is having financial difficulty, they are welcomed. We ask that everyone be vaccinated if they are going to train at the dojo.