Aikido as a way of life.

Today in class I got triggered…I started to feel like I was going to throw up. I felt teary and shaky inside.  We were doing an irimi nage and Ron asked us get inside nearer to uke that I like to. I like to take their balance earlier to avoid the intimacy that comes from a closer in throw. In the past I have stayed on the mat when these feelings come up but today was different. I did not try to deny the feelings. I noticed them. I gently observed to myself, “Oh, you feel nauseous…are you going to cry?” Next, I felt my feet on the blue mat. I noticed the other people in the dojo…There was Jocelyn. There was Anne. I see Ron.  I breathed deliberately in through my nose and out through my mouth several times. I kept moving.  I attacked when it was my turn to be uke. I consciously asked questions through the panic that was hovering about a correction I received as nage.  I felt my hakama with my hands; I felt the inside of my mouth with my tongue....

When the judgments pop up on the mat what can we do about them? You know what I mean, sometimes in my head I hear “you (meaning me) suck”, or “uke (meaning you) should relax more or follow better” and so on…. None of the above is conducive to blending or correct feeling.  So what I do is notice the thought, feel the feeling and keep training. My experience is that the process of noticing, feeling and continued training works very effectively. I am not wasting any time or energy denying or minimizing my negative self-talk. I am not building a case against uke by focusing on what I think is wrong with them. Usually for me, those kind of thoughts are proceeded or followed by an uncomfortable feeling. So I breathe in deeply, I exhale fully and wait my turn, then I do the next thing I am supposed to be doing, whether it is bokken movement, attacking my nage of throwing my uke. I pay very close attention to what I am supposed to be doing and before I know it my mind is...

We are running a beginner’s class and I am buoyed by the response. We had 3 new people on the mat on Thursday night.  Other times in recent years we have had no response to the offer of a beginner’s class. When we first started offering basics classes about 25 years ago the response was great….often 12 to 14 people would attend. It seems to me that the trend now had been for more confrontational arts. I think MMA has had an influence on people who are interested in martial arts. Maybe now the pendulum is swinging back to people being interested in martial arts for other reasons than to beat people up or to be stronger than everyone else. I sure hope so. We are ready. Let the influx continue. 

Resting, leaning, conviction, abandon  Ukes will rest or wander if not led. Nage will lead where uke's energy is headed.   Following and leading become one as the energy and intention becomes the focus. What seems to be matters not and what is prevails.  Why would uke lean....why not if they have a place to rest? Move the resting place and uke will lose balance. Letting, not forcing with open palms and soft finger tips...no grabbing, pushing or pulling only guiding. When uke comes around to see where nage went she will move in the energy trough if it is made available. First the void must be defined by nage's dramatic, dynamic movement. Uke is encouraged to follow by enthusiastic soft letting.  When nage moves with intention and invitation uke can't help but follow. It is like offering roast beef to a Dalmatian...uke is willing and eagerly follows on the sweep of defined energy in the described channel.  Aikido requi...

Aikido attacks are like real attacks. How, you ask? We are working at simulating the realness of an actual attack. We give energy and follow. When an attack happens in life it is unexpected and spontaneous. The person being attacked feels uncomfortable and may deny and minimize. In aikido we can just be with what is happening. We can even celebrate the attack because uke is gifting us with energy. We have been talking in class about attacking by directing our energy towards nage’s center. We don’t push or pull. We give a live attack with intention and energy and then we follow as nage leads. Uke lets go of any agenda and simulates the spontaneity of the energy a real attack would have. In class today uke grabbed nage’s wrist in different ways and nage then told uke what the attack felt like so uke could have an idea of what was happening right away from their nage. We continued with this idea as uke grabbed nage’s wrist with intention and energy towards nage’s cent...

In aikido and I am speaking of the aikido I train in and am not comparing it to or denigrating any other style; it really is not about fighting. What I mean by fighting is that it is not a sport or a contest. For me, aikido is self-defense. It is about what I have to do to protect myself. This to me means in daily life and self-defense situations. Aikido is conciliatory and restorative.  My training helps me protect myself from others and from myself. It reduces life to the simplest form where I have to feel what is and do what I can. I can blame and I can whine…and I get to see how ineffective both of those responses are. I can come back to center and accept and do what I can. I can move or change myself. I cannot change another. Another may be moved when I move or change.  My focus must be on moving me and not them. This truth is so good for me on the mat and out in the world. I am empowered when I keep the focus on me and what I can do instead of wandering ...

Class today small but good. We talked about expansion and contraction and the decision to self defend and how that manifests in our lives. And then after class we talked about how we are the experts in our own self defense and that nobody but the person involved knows what the right thing to do is a in a tense situation. As we pay attention to the now we are able to see and hear and perceive all the signs, signals and conditions and make the best possible choice in that moment. People may say afterwards "oh you shoulda done this or that" but they don't know because they weren't there. Let's celebrate our self-defense choices and continue to train with our friends ever expanding the circle of love and peace that our training affords.