Aikido as a way of life.

 On Tuesday January 2, 2024, we will usher in the new year with a 108 meditation. Each student picks one technique that they will do their whole turn. The number of throws will be determined by the total number of people in class. We will practice in silence except for the chimes of the bowl.  Our intention is for a healthy, happy new year with plenty of robust, lively training. 

  I have been training with weapons more of late. Using one Escrima stick while I walk in the morning helps me stretch and strike.   My walk is enhanced by upper body movement. After the walk I feel enlivened and happy. When I first started using weapons in my Aikido training, I felt awkward. I was used to baseball bats and brooms.   As I trained, I learned set katas which helped me become more comfortable. I practiced diligently and learned all the katas on both sides so I could do them easily and teach them to others. When Ron switched his training up and started teaching spontaneous short katas I was confused and frustrated. His idea was that students would be more relaxed if we weren’t trying to do a kata perfectly. He was bored with set routines. It took me quite a while to let go of my attachment to the katas I had worked so hard to learn and perfect. I felt angry and discouraged. It seemed to me like I had been wasting my time. As I reflect on this journey,...

 Fall is such a great name for a beautiful season. We fell a lot in class today. I had an interesting experience. Ron had us do many movements without falling. He then had us just blend with yokemens. His idea was to move and flow. When I did an abrupt entering movement, he said “No, do more blending. Less confrontation.”   I kept moving but noticed that I started to feel queasy and tired. Then I noticed that I was near tears. He then told us to get bokkens. I had to sit and rest for a minute. When Ron asked what the matter was, I told him I was feeling queasy and tired. That helped me feel a little better. I got up and practiced the short bokken kata he demonstrated. After class I still felt a little queasy. I told Ron and Dora that I thought I was doing the technique correctly and when I found out that I was not, I was very hard on myself. Ron assured me that I was doing fine but he wanted me to flow more. I told him I understood but that sometimes my hearer is broken. ...

  Aikido training when I feel deeply upset is a challenge. I accept.  I have the disease of alcoholism. Some mornings I wake up feeling fine. Other times I wake up to a voice in my head telling me I am a terrible person and not worthy of being alive. No matter which way I wake up, I have a set practice that I do, no matter how I feel or what my brain has to say.   Yesterday we heard from a family member that he was very disappointed in us and was choosing not to be in a relationship with Ron and me.  I felt very sad and frustrated because I know that saying or doing anything will not change another person. I slept poorly as my mind poured over all my wrong doings over many years.  I felt heavy and discouraged this morning.  I prayed as I do every morning. I asked for help, then got up and acted like a woman who has asked for help.  I found one aikido thought: keep moving. I got up, got dressed, did my bathroom stuff, and went upstairs to see how R...